This time a year ago, my babies had been born and were lying in an incubator in SCBU, whilst I slept alone in a hospital bed down the corridor. Not the way I pictured motherhood to begin, but this was just the beginning of our journey. And what a journey it has been!
We were at the hospital and ready for the c-section early in the morning. By around 8am I think. But it turned into a long wait as we were told that NICU was full and the hospital staff were ringing around trying to find a bed for me and two incubators for my twins. There was talk of sending me to Tauranga, which was less than ideal. But in the afternoon, we got told that there was space at Nth Shore Hospital and we were to go there immediately.
Off we went, so glad we were only headed over the bridge and not a few hours away! But when we got there, we were given a room and told that there was no guarantee that the surgery would be happening that day. I was starving and nervous and trying to get my head around it all. When all of a sudden, around 3ish, a nurse popped her head in and told Josh to put his scrubs on. Things seemed to move very quickly after that! Josh put on his gear, someone helped me put on my pressure stockings and then I was wheeled down to surgery. It was all on!
Josh was told to sit in the corner while I was prepped, and a lovely nurse whose name I do not know sat with me and held my hand and told me what was happening each step of the way as they got me ready for the epidural. I felt a bit of pressure and my leg kept kicking (kind of the way it does when a doctor hits you on the knee and hits a nerve), but other than that, it was okay.
Josh was given the all clear to come and sit with me after I was strapped to the bed, arms out on each side. My bottom half got numb very quickly and then it was all on. Josh was awesome and looked me in the eyes the whole time, held my hand and kept telling me it was all going to be okay. We could hear the hospital staff having the usual office chit chat about xmas plans and mother in laws, etc. So surreal!
All of a sudden, someone told Josh to get his camera ready, and then with a bit of pressure and a weird sensation of pulling and tugging, out came my firstborn! I couldn't see a thing and so I strained to hear a noise, but there was no cry. My worst nightmare as I didn't know if she was breathing or not. Someone said she was okay but I wasn't convinced and I kept asking if she was okay, even when they kept telling me she was. Josh was crying and I think I was too and he kept saying she was beautiful and okay. Josh went off to cut the cord and watch as she was weighed and checked and wrapped up. So hard to lie there and not be able to move!!!!
Then it was time to get the next baby out, and this one proved a bit more difficult and there was a lot more pushing and tugging. I think someone actually leant on my tummy and I oomphed a bit. And then I heard crying and woohoo, my 2nd bubba was out!
Someone brought my first bubba to me and put her cheek against mine. So amazing to have her on the outside, but so frustrating to not be able to hold her and cuddle her. I wanted to look at her, look into her eyes, count her fingers and toes and make sure she really was okay, but I couldn't as she was pressed against my cheek and I could barely move.
They were both quickly rushed to SCBU and although the original plan was for Josh to stay with me, we both agreed he needed to go with our daughters. Apparently they were both breathing and doing well, but were so tiny (1.7kg and 1.9kg respectively).
Josh left me with the camera so I could look at the photos whilst I was in recovery. None of it felt real and I cried, maybe because they were finally here, and they were breathing unassisted, or maybe because they were gone and I was alone. Or maybe because of ALL.OF.IT.
After being stitched up, I was wheeled into recovery and had to stay there until the epidural wore off. I think I was there for about half an hour. Felt like forever and I kept trying to wiggle my toes to try and hurry it up. Josh rushed down towards the end to tell me the girls were amazing and beautiful and he was so torn between all 3 of us haha. Finally I was given the all clear to be wheeled up to SCBU and Josh walked with me. So weird to be lying on a stretcher in a lift with a bunch of strangers. Josh told them we had just had twins and there I was, smiling and nodding my head as they all peered down at me and congratulated me. Let me tell you, there is no dignity in giving birth, no matter what method.
I was wheeled into SCBU, full of babies in incubators and heated cribs. Monitors and beeps everywhere. And they picked up Ruby and placed her on my chest. Oh my word. So tiny. and dark. and hairy hahahahaha. Just like a a teeny tiny little monkey. I loved these girls before they were born. But I had no idea what to do with them, they were so tiny and frail feeling. Like a little bird that if you cuddle too hard you could crush.
The in-laws were there by then, and they had brought champagne and sushi as I had requested pre-section. Ha. I dutifully had a couple of sips and had one or two pieces of sushi, but just so I could say I had. Was actually the last thing I felt like. It was dark by now and I was starting to fall asleep, Both babies were back in the incubators and so I was wheeled into my hospital bedroom and everyone else went home.
What a day! And welcome to the world my beautiful babies!
