Low lows

What a week. Not gonna lie, it has been super tough.  On a good night, I'd get at least 3 hours in a row. But the good nights were few and far between. And this has been going on for a while. At least it feels like a while. Like months. But Josh seems to think it has only been like this for the past two weeks. Whatever. My brain cannot remember. All it knew was that this was not doable any more.

After the 56789989797th wake up in about 3 hours, I sat down on the floor, told Josh I wasn't cut out for this and couldn't do it anymore and I cried and cried and cried. While my babies cried in another room.  I just didn't know what to do. Patting/shushing, picking up, dummies, feeding, etc. None of it was working. Not for more than 45mins any way. And it just made it worse when Josh said "you have to pull it together, you are the mummy". 

He was on his way out for a dance rehearsal and I just didn't know how I was supposed to find the energy to keep settling them on my own for the next couple of hours.  But he was right, I'm the mum, so I pulled it together and settled them AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN until he came back home around 1ish. And then I emailed a sleep consultant and asked her for help.

The good news is that she got back to me straight away.  The bad news is that she isn't available to see me until 24th August. Which is no help as I'll be out of the country. Next slot will be 16th Sept. I may have cried just thinking about having to keep struggling like this until 16th Sept. Egad! But she promised to support me via email/phone/skype until then and said that we may not even need her in person.  So we'll see....

Got her suggestions via email last night and implemented them as best as possible today. They coped with the changes really well during the day.

Getting them to sleep for the night was a wee bit of a struggle, but not too bad. We have had a few wake ups, but nothing since 9ish, which is about 2 hours ago... So fingers crossed for the rest of the night. Not expecting 12 hours of sleep, but would love it if we could knock it down to 1 - 2 wake ups each...

Either way, it feels good to have a plan. And to feel more in control again. Seems it's all about confidence!