SCBU

My girls spent 19 days in SCBU.

They moved from the heated incubator to an open cot with a heated blanket.
They had the heated blanket removed. Came off heart monitors. Came off apnoea mats.
Moved from tube feedings to a mixture of tube feeds/breastfeeds with top ups.
Began to breastfeed exclusively during the day.

Day 16: I spent 1 night in the expressing room so I could establish breastfeeding during the night. I was supposed to do it on my own, but Josh showed up around 2am after his gig and after that, he never left our side.
We then spent 3 nights in the parents room, and had the girls in there with us as well. And the girls got their feeding tubes taken out!!!

Finally, on day 19 (Christmas Eve) we were all given permission to go home. Woohoooo!

Almost 2 weeks old!

I can't believe my baby girls have been in this world for almost 2 weeks already!

They are now both in open cots and we are busy working on establishing breastfeeding, so they are officially known as "feeders and growers".  Word on the street is that we may even be able to go home on Xmas eve! What an awesome xmas present that would be!

My beautiful girls continue to surprise and delight me with the funny faces they make, their squeaky noises, the bubbles they blow and their little gazey eyes.  Just when I think I couldnt love them any more, I fall in love all over again and just that bit more.  I especially love their "kissy kissy" faces - when they pout their little lips. Sooo cute! And they also do a Joshy face, where they wrinkle up their little foreheads as they try oh so hard to open their eyes.  Love love love my baby girls.

Breastfeeding is amazing when it goes well, but we havent mastered tandem feeding.  So it totally upsets the apple cart if one decides that she isnt ready for bed after all, and starts to give hungry cues whilst I already have another baby on the boob. So overwhelming! We do sometimes try to put both on at the same time, but then one will fall off, and as I'm trying to get her back on, the other falls off, and then I have to try and get both back on, and I feel like I'm watching a ping pong match as I go back and forth between both girls, trying to see who has their mouths open wide enough. I'm hoping tandem feeding will become easier as the girls latching gets better. Fingers crossed!

Nothing worse than a crying baby (or two crying babies eeeeek!), and I can't tell what she wants. Ava was crying yesterday after 2 goes on the boob, and she was doing hungry cues, opening her mouth and moving her head around. I couldn't believe she was still hungry though as she'd had a solid go at the breast. But we put her back on (tandem) and sure enough, she wouldn't latch on. She was screaming by this stage, but I found that once she got into the feeding position (lying on her side), it seemed to give her some relief, so I'm thinking that she had a sore tummy and lying on her side or tummy fixed it.  We tried this again after another feed and it seemed to settle her pretty quickly.

Anyway, it's after 2am, so I should head back to bed. There is so much I want to write and remember about these early days, but the internet connection at the hospital is not the best. And when I do get to write it all down, I feel like my words are not sufficient to record these amazing days and moments. How do I capture these emotions I feel? I'm so scared of forgetting moments that I'd love to share with these girls when they are older. And time is flying by so quickly and lack of sleep is starting to make my mind fuzzy. 

We played our baby playlist today as I breastfed and it was beautiful. I fed Ruby last and as she fell asleep in my arms, Joshy wrapped his arms around me and we swayed to the dulcet sounds of Ray Charles.  And I thought, now this is what I always thought motherhood would feel like, only this is 100 times better. So lucky to have these two beautiful baby girls in my life x

Change of plans

We showed up at the hospital at 8am, with our packed suitcase, thinking that today was the day. But instead we got turned away as they had an emergency section on the weekend and NICU was now full.

So we had a scan to make sure the bubba's are okay (doppler readings are still high, but not absent) and got their heart rates monitored for 20 mins (both were around 120 mark and OB Keira seemed happy with that). 

So next plan of action is to try again on Wednesday (tomorrow). I have a definite slot this time - 3rd on the list. The main issue is still whether or not there is space in NICU. They said it would be very unlikely that we would be turned away a 2nd time, but there is still a tiny risk that it could happen.

I have to admit that I was so happy about the change of plans. Monday  felt too rushed to me and just didn't feel right. Josh says it's only 2 days, but come Wednesday, they will be 34 weeks and 5 days...that bit closer to being 35 weeks.  Oh yeah, and I'll know the team that does the surgery on Wednesday - either Keira and/or Emma.   So fingers crossed for a 5th December birthday for these two littlies!

What an emotional rollercoaster!

Last day of being pregnant: 34 wks and 2 days

Eviction notice

We got a call yesterday saying that the dr's all think it's time for the twins to come out as their growth has slowed right down. So had another steroid shot today, got some blood taken and have been told to show up on Monday for a c-section. Unfortunately, they are booked out all week, so it's just a matter of waiting around all day and hoping they don't have too many emergency surgeries so they can fit us in. Will be 34 weeks and 3 days by then, but they are still oh so tiny... We are very excited to meet the twins, but feeling a bit overwhelmed! And personally, I'm pretty nervous about the NICU experience, but starting to get my head around it. Just trying to decide how to spend our last day together as a childless couple. Clean the house or go out for the day and have a nice lunch/dinner??? :)

Seriously though, it's been an emotional couple of days. Swinging from being excited, to feeling totally unprepared, and then feeling sad that I'm not going to get the traditional/hollywood version of giving birth, with the big cuddle at the end.  And I can't help but feel like we are kicking these babies out.  To be honest, I always thought that they'd come out around the 34 week mark, and seems I'm right. But I just thought they'd decide when to come out and would let us know. So seeing as I still feel fine (albeit very pregnant, a bit achey, slow, etc), and the babies seem happy (lots of movement), I wonder if I should insist the doctors wait.  Their fluid levels are back to normal and the doppler readings, whilst higher than normal, is still not at freak out levels.  It's just that they both didn't put on much weight in the last two weeks (only around 100grams in two weeks).  But maybe it was just a bad two weeks? Argh, I wish I could just accept this decision.

 We wandered down to NICU today to see what we are in for, and the receptionist told me that they don't do tours anymore, I will just have to view the NICU info video online. Which I've already seen. I promptly burst into tears, so she rushed off to find out if a NICU nurse could at least talk to me. And a lady called Angela came in and told us that we'll get to see the babies after the c-section, and they'll wheel me into NICU after I'm stitched up so I can wave to them in the incubator. And they'll wheel me down the next day, if I'm not up and walking yet.  Still not ideal, but at least they don't just get whisked away. 

 She still refused to show us around for privacy reasons, but wouldn't you know it, our friends from the antenatal group walked by . There babies were born at 31 weeks due to pre-eclempsia, which was 2 weeks ago. So he said we should come with him and meet his babies (Carl and Anna) and also see his wife.  It was wonderful to talk to her about her experience and see the babies. They are so tiny! But bigger than what our babies are now, as theirs were 1.5kg when born at 31 weeks (which makes me realise we need to get my babies out and growing). He had a cpap tube and a feeding tube, and his little preemie nappy was swimming on him. But they said it has been a good introduction to parenthood, as you learn things in small doses and get lots of help.  Broke my heart though when they excitedly told us they get one cuddle a day now!  Just not what I pictured birth/motherhood to be like.  But I've told my babies that this is their journey and their birth story, and hopefully Monday and the real world wont be too much of a shock for them.

 I'm going to be a mama within days!!!!!!!!!!!