Just a tad sad

J and I watched "one born every minute" for the first time last night, and it showed two contrasting births -
one of a 2nd timer who'd had a bad experience the first time. And as a result, was terrified of giving birth again, and seemed to scream and cry and throw a tanty every couple of minutes.

The 2nd birth was of a first timer in a water birth in the same hospital. Just her, her husband, and a midwife that popped in and out every now and then. She had a pretty bikini on that she'd designed herself, listened to their own playlist and hardly made a sound through the whole process.  It was beautiful and so emotional.

Unfortunately, I didn't end up watching the whole thing as I got a bit sad and went off to have a little sook on my own.  When I first found out I was pregnant, I started reading up on birth stories and watching them on youtube. And I really loved the idea of the water birth (in the hospital, just in case you know, something went wrong). And the more I read, the more I was convinced that I would at least try to stay drug free, as the drugs they give you for the pain slow down the labour process, so they give you more drugs to get it going, and you are more likely to tear when drugged up cos you don't know how hard to push or when to stop pushing.  To be fair, J poo pooed my ideas straight away. Said I should TAKE THE DRUGS.  And after reading about people being in serious pain having an epi and then feeling so much relief they have a nap, I wasn't entirely sure I'd be able to stick to my guns to remain completely drug free.

But finding out that I'm having twins has kind of changed everything and taken alot of decisions out of my hands. Sure, some women do still have water births with twins. But there's just a more increased risk of needing intervention. And apparently, at least in NZ, its just standard practice to get an epidural with twins, in case you have to have an emergency c-section.  I don't think I'm brave enough to put my foot down and go all au natural with this pregnancy. If I'm going to have an emergency c-section, i'd prefer not to feel it :)

And so, it was bittersweet watching that beautiful, calm water birth, knowing that it wasn't on the cards for me.  If this really is my only ever birth, I wish I could have the experience that I want. However, at the end of the day, my main goal is to give birth to happy, healthy babies.  If that means I have to be cut open or have all the drugs they throw at me, then that's fine with me.  I just needed to have a bit of a sook about it first.